What is People-pleasing Recovery Counseling in Federal Way, WA?

Finding support as a people-pleaser can be challenging in that you don’t always know how to ask for help and where to find it. As a therapist who provides counseling in Federal Way, WA for people-pleasers, I’ve included information on what therapy for people-pleasing looks like and how to reach out for support.

What is people-pleasing?

People-pleasing can take many forms but in general it’s the tendency to put others’ needs and wants before your own, often at the expense of your own. For example, saying “yes” to every help request from friends even if you don’t have the capacity to help them in that moment, is a form of people-pleasing. You feel the deep need to prioritize their needs despite feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. But this doesn’t stop you from answering every phone call, responding to late-night texts, or setting aside your “me time” for a vent sesh. Although sometimes this may make you feel good to be support to others, it takes a toll the longer you don’t set boundaries or prioritize your own needs.

What is people-pleasing counseling in Federal Way?

Counseling for people-pleasers can take many forms so I’ll speak to how I offer support to those struggling with people-pleasing behaviors. The first step is to acknowledge that people-pleasing is not always helpful. What are ways that prioritizing others gets in the way of your day-to-day or adds to your burnout? Once we know what those themes are, we can explore ways to set boundaries within your relationships that feel in alignment with your needs and values.

For instance, if your mom tends to call you to complain about your dad, this can definitely have a negative impact on your mental and emotional wellbeing and your relationship with both of your parents. A way to approach this with mom is to state how her venting impacts you and request that she either ask you permission before venting, or find someone else to lean on for that specific support. This can be tricky if mom doesn’t know how to honor your boundaries, but with support from a therapist you can continue to navigate this and assert your boundaries.

Many people-pleasers find progress in therapy once they start initiating boundaries in relationships and learn how to hold firm to those despite the discomfort or challenge they face with loved ones. This can apply to other situations like the workplace as well. Overall, having a Federal Way therapist who can call out your people-pleasing behaviors while offering clear, tangible tools for managing those behaviors in relationships, will provide you with the best support.

What if people-pleasing stems from trauma?

People-pleasing can be a trauma response. This often shows up in people who experienced challenging or tense relationships with their parents. People who describe having to “walk on egg shells” or avoid conflict also tend to experience people-pleasing tendencies. Over time this develops into a coping mechanism for safety and belonging. Most often people-pleasing occurs when you don’t want to repeat the tension or discomfort of your childhood so you prioritize others’ needs or try to predict others’ needs in order to be liked or valued in relationships. The fear in not being accepted or belonging socially can lead to an overuse of people-pleasing that prevents your own needs from being met in relationships.

Without having awareness of this, you may develop negative relationship dynamics that cause emotional burnout, anxiety, co-dependency, and a lack of self-worth. You may lose your sense of self because much of your identity is dependent upon others’ needs, causing you to not know who you are, what you like, and how to have your own opinion. By exploring your past trauma, you can change relationship dynamics and start to rebuild your sense of self and worth.

In summary…

People-pleasing is often a response to trauma and fear of not belonging. However, being a people-pleaser in relationships only creates negative dynamics that prevents you from taking up space and voicing your needs in those relationships. It prevents your loved ones from knowing you in a deep and meaningful way, and disconnects you from your own needs and wants. Finding people-pleasing counseling in Federal Way, WA will help you make sense of your behaviors and utilize tools to diminish people-pleasing in areas of you life where it’s not helpful. Counseling will help you rebuild your sense of self and create a more confident you.

Looking for counseling in Federal Way, WA? Start working with Katie, a Federal Way therapist who understands the challenges in being a people-pleaser and navigating relationships.

Be well,

Katie

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Quality Counseling in Federal Way, WA and Online Therapy in Washington State

At Rainy Day Therapy, Katie offers the best counseling in Federal Way, WA within her scope of expertise! Katie is trained in attachment theory, feminist therapy, solution-focused therapy, mindfulness, ADHD, communication and boundaries, relationship needs, identity building, and disordered eating & body acceptance. Katie works best with women, queer identities, plus size folks, non-binary and gender fluid individuals, and highly sensitive people. Rainy Day Therapy provides counseling in Federal Way, WA and online therapy in Washington state. Interested in working with Katie? Book a free 15min consult here.

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